Reminiscing 2007, Embracing 2008.

It seems inappropriate 2 start a blog in a new year without welcoming 2008 and reminiscing 2007. Even though 15 days of 2008 have passed us by. How fast. This brings back old thoughts. Painful thoughts. Most of it. Well, the painful ones always overwrite the joyous ones. That’s always the case. Kan?

My 2007 was a roller-coaster ride. I cant really remember the first 6 months of the year. Well, it’s not like something really really significant happened during that first 6 months. But the second 6-months of the year. Gosh, here we go…

I celebrated my 26th birthday with Mr. A. My then bf. Believe it or not, we had a fight that very night. The eve of my birthday. Despite celebrating it at the Luna Bar. My fave chill spot. Beautiful scenery, free drinks (thanks to adik-kak engku-si-cute-Haizal) and good food. Its true what people says, happiness lie in ur heart. U could be stuck at a deserted island, with no food, didn’t bathe for weeks, smell like crap, left with 10 bucks to last till pay day but if ur happy, then u’ll be happy. Actually, we’ve been having argument after argument for months, almost everyday, 247. The relationship wasn’t healthy anymore. We love each other, yes but it wasn’t as strong. I guess it’s the thought that we have to hold on to the relationship made us stay together. I wanted out, long before, few times, but it never happened. Oh, we actually broke up the first time few weeks before my birthday. I was crushed even though I asked for it. I was firm about it until he came crawling back. With tears. Mr. A? Cried? Yes, I know u girls cant believe it. That’s if u know him. Gave him another chance only to find out that we were not meant to be together. But at that time, there’s nothing else I cant handle. I guess I kinda know. We finally broke up at Phuket. Where?!! Yup. We were there for the weekend to celebrate my birthday. Supposedly. Imagine me. Been with the guy for almost 8 years. Cant we pick a better place to break up? Like after we come back? I know. It was….i’m out of words to describe it. Devastated? Close. Damaged? More like it. Straight to every cells in my body to the very drop of my blood. I thought I could never survive it. Gila. But I chose to deal with it. I didn’t shed a single tear in front of him. I was more frustrated not because the relationship ended, but because I have so much respect to this person. Because I looked up to him. He protected me, been with me for all my ups and downs in life. He was more than just a bf. We basically grew up together. He took care of me. Yes, he did. Have to give him credit for making me happy almost 70-80% when we were together. That’s a high percentage given that I’m a difficult chic to please. But, if only he could’ve been more of a man... End it with respect. I don’t believe people can fall out of love. I believe we just stop loving the person that much or more. And/or the love will change its form to another form of feeling. So, it is really ok if one day u wake up and don’t have the same strong feeling towards that person anymore. But don’t cheat and lie. Don’t give false hopes. That’s plain cruelty. U cant help who u want to love. U just fell right into it without knowing. And ur bound to get hurt in the process. So just tell that person BEFORE you jump in the bed with the next one. Where’s ur balls guys? Enough about Mr. A. I’m over him. Now I know for sure, I deserve better. My friends have been telling me this over and over and over again. The same advice I always give to others but its u who decides. I’ve decided. I’m not gonna give him control over my life anymore. He had 8 years of that. And he blew it. His lost!

My life took a real turn after that. It was weird. It was a cool weird ;p I was finally able to think about ME. Just me. I bought foxy (my dashingly gorgeous white MyVi) right after I return his. I felt calm and contented. Simple things like hang out with the guys or the girls after or during work were easy. No more, “Takde kawan perempuan yang nak gi minum ke?”. “Mesti kena pegi ke karaoke tu? Tak pegi kena buang keje ke?”. Cam bangang. I know. Then, I started to go out more. Relieve that I don’t need permission to watch a movie or window shopping on my own. I don’t really see it as a form of rebel. It’s not like I’m out trashed every night. I was an ambassador of healthy clubbing. Was as in past tense :p We danced the nights away healthily. I swear! In between that, I felt some part of me missing. That invites endless smses to my girls. Sorry girls. And thank you so much for being there. I went places almost every month. I realized there’s life after such catastrophic event. In fact I know it’s going to be a beautiful journey. Full with good and bad. But most importantly, I’m taking control over my own life. I decide what to do or what not to do. Even if I stumble along the way, its my fault not to use the torchlight. If I messed up my life, I’ll be an adult and take full responsibility of it. No regrets!

Fast forward. I got a new fun & cool job now. I’m really passionate about my job. For now. Hopefully it will last at least for another 2-3 years more. Please Ya Allah, help me to keep this passion. I’m easily bored so I have to keep on exciting myself. Excite myself? Hahaha. Ok, don’t be kinky. I think I’m better now. Other part of my life is slowly making sense now. But I’m still rather traumatic in that department. Keep pushing people (read: guys) away. I’m a bit pickier now. Lift up my expectations & benchmarks to few notches. More like few in multiply 1,000. Hehe. What if I pushed away my McDreamy? Ok, we talk about McDreamy or the potentials or the wanna-bes another time-lah. I guess my McDreamy will come when the time is right. If not, when all of my friends have been married with kids (like most of them have been doing lately. I suspected lots more invitations coming this year. Shit. Eh, bukan kat korang. I’m happy you girls are getting hitched and all ;D) & still there’s no sign of McDreamy, I’ll migrate to Bora Bora, work as a waitress at the bar by the beach. In between waitressing & reading books by the beach, I’ll do volunteer work at the local orphanage centre. Shut myself down from any contact to whomever person that ever existed in my previous & current life. Done.

For 2008, I have a very short wish list. I just want it to be better than 2007 in every single way. I’m a realist. I learnt that good things in life will not come rolling to ur laps. I know. And I’m working hard towards it. That’s why I don’t expect too much this year. Hopefully I’ll be occupied with the below item:-

a- Scuba diving or
b- Skydiving

1 is enough for the year. I’d give skydiving a go in a heartbeat but since I love to go to the beach, it’d be a waste if I don’t try diving. If I’m lucky, I’ll do both.

I wanna go places. Lots and lots of new places. Let’s hope that I get to go to at least half of the places that I have in mind.

Another thing, in between all that, let’s hope for more potentials & wanna-bes McDreamy this year. The ones that at least pass the first filtering-lah! :p

To a great 2008 ahead (it better be!) Cheers~~

I really really really want...

I watched Oprah last week. About this woman who took 4 months break to go to Rome, Italy to study "pleasure". She said she basically did nothing during the break. Except for the fact that she was indulging herself with good Italian food. Read : Yummy Pizza, Pasta, etc, etc. And i suspected, Italian men. Read : erm... yummy? :p I didnt really watch the whole show coz i was flipping through other channels as well. CSI kot. Whatever. The point is, she gave some tips that got stuck in my head. It basically goes something like this. Do whatever that makes u happy. If it’s not going to harm other creature then do it. It’s like if eating a whole piece of a sinfully delicious choc cake or a cheese cake or visiting J.CO every alternate day makes u happy then by all means, belasah je. The only thing that’s going to suffer is that tummy of yours, or for some people the cheeks first or boobs (I don’t mind this, really!) or bums (erm, I do mind this coz honestly I think mine is big enough). Ok focus. She said, always begin ur day with :-

Tip No. 1
Find ur happy moment and remember it for the rest of the day. Over & over. Whenever u feel down. Could be anything, any moment.

Tip No. 2
Ask yourself first thing in the morning, what do u really really really want? The really part have to be repeated 3 times. She said so, ok. Then, repeat the question everyday. The whole idea is if u keep on asking yourself the Q and keep on answering it with the same answers, u’ll know what u want & naturally will work towards it. In Islam, it’s doa concept. Nothing new huh?

Tip No. 3
Before going to bed, remember ur happy thought tadi, smile and oh, life is not that bad after all :D The doze off –lah. Eh, bacalah doa tidur dulu. Or at least basuh muka, berus gigi, basuh kaki, baca bismillah, al-fatihah, 3-Qul, ayat Qursi then mengucap. Kot kot la tak bangun dah. Errr… betul apa!!! Ok, ok. What? I cant give that advise meh? Don’t judge me. If u do, then u’d probably don’t know me.

Ok, back to that woman. She probably said lots of other things on how to be happy in life..blah..blah..blah. But that’s all I can remember. So, I’m gonna take her advise and start with my first list. My 14th January 2008 happy thoughts list. I hate the 14th. I’m not gonna tell why. Not now. Nantilah. On another more significant 14th. Ok, ok my 14th Jan list.

Happy moment of the day – Lunching with my girls : Zeze & Nana. I went to their office; my old office. Met few familiar faces, said hi & bye. Went makan, lepak & have a good laugh with them. About 1-hr. That’s good enough just to keep me sane. Hey, I spent my whole Sunday alone at home. Not speaking to anyone. Only me & my new BFF – Mr Astro & rakan2nya. Eh, tak. Spoke to Maymay in the morning. But I was too mamai, it was barely a conversation. She called to ask me to join her b-ball-ing, which I would go if I’ve gone jogging that morning like I used to do few weeks back. Shit. Been skipping jogging lately. Blame it on my work. The first week of Jan I was working. Last Sat I was in Malacca with the girls. I could’ve been able to jog around A-Famosa if I didn’t….

i) Had too much of Margarita & Vodka the night before.

ii) Dance like all the clubs in the world will be closed.

iii) Chilled in the pool till 5am.

iv) Slept around 6am, kot. Off-track dah, ok back to the list.

What I really really really want. Hmm… Right now is, eh, are-lah :-

2(a) Be happy. Lame. I know. But that’s the honest truth. And I’m working on it. Really.

2(b) I want to go vacation. Chill. Anywhere. I’m going JB this weekend. Work purposes yes but I hope I’ll get to chill jugak. Then I’m going Brunei with Nana the next weekend. That’s for pleasure alrite. I think I’m gonna like Brunei. I want to unwind. Brunei yang dilaporkan tiada unsur-unsur pengclubbingan & booze (legally… ;p), should be a good recharged spot. And me & the girls are planning an island trip. Could be Lang Tengah again (100x pun tak kisah) or Perhentian. Which reminds me, I wanna take up scuba license. This reminds me that I have to learn to swim. Which means, I have to get over my fear!! Shit. Forget about that first. It’s happy thoughts time.

2(c) Wanna be a good daughter, sister, cousin, niece, if not better. Esp the daughter and sister part. I’m working hard. Really.

2(d) I want a laptop.

2(e) I want a new phone.

2(f) Cukuplah for a day list. See if it changes tomorrow.

I went to bed with so many things in my mind. Oh ye, lately I’m having difficulty to sleep. Pikir banyak sangat kot. So many unsolved issues. Then, will terjaga in the middle of the night only to find it even harder to go back to sleep again. Few times pulak tu. Then, have to go to work. Bila weekend, cant sleep after 9am. Mata dah terbuntang. Bangang. Better work on this No.3.

It’s late. I better chow now. Apa pulak happy thoughts untuk hari ni. Whatdhell. Heh. Later, babe!

Welcome, Enjoy, Come Back & Thank U

It took me sometimes to post this first entry. Reason being :-

1. I wanted a good title for my blog
2. I wanted a punchy line to describe the blog
3. I wanted a killer opening
4. I wanted to say so much. I'm having difficulty to pick which story to feature first. And the best one to tell.

Then...it hits me. Who the hell am i kidding? Because :-

1. I can always change my blog title. It's my blog, god damnit! I can change it whenever i feel like it. Just do it-lah! Ok Mr Nike, i add the -lah to it. U cant sue me.
2. Punchy line? Ur not Emily Dickinson, Aty. U'll never be able to come out with USD1m punchy line. Get over it.
3. Refer Because No.2
4. Ok, this is really a disorder. Even in real life, i'm still undergoing a constant intensive observation treatment. So many to tell at one time.

So in the end, i just do it. And it's not like anybody is going to read it. I mean anybody else, apart from my own friends or those who know me or those in my extended network. If ur reading this blog and ur not under any one of those categories, hmmm dude, that's weird. Why? I must ask. But never mind that. U'll probably be bored after awhile. Coz it's gonna be just about me, me & me. Most of the time. All the time. Still, welcome to my life. The way i wanted it to be told. I might exaggerate, hide-some-tell-some but it's gonna be all about me. Chances are, if ur happened to be my friends, my families, my colleagues or just someone who's with bad luck that runs into me on daily basis, ur name might pop up here. At least from my side of the story. So welcome, enjoy reading & keep come back - are in order-lah. Oh, thank you. And this is just an opening. Refer reason No.4 :p